you are not alone in this
by tworoadsdiverged
Summary: "but you are not alone in this, and you are not alone in this,as brothers will we stand and we'll hold your hand. hold your hand". losing someone you love is the hardest thing you will ever face, but you must remember you are not alone
1. Chapter 1

**hi this is my first ever fan fiction so i decided to base it on one tree hill characters because One Tree Hill is amazing and I am a massive fan. i have had this story for a really long time, but i have never got around to writing it so i hope you enjoy it. basically what happens is haley moves to tree hill after the death of her brother jake. she is trying to grief and let go. she meets lucas, peyton and brooke and falls for nathan. there is a twist but i dont want to go into to much detail you will have a read and mind out. i will tell you this, there may or may not be memory loss in my story.**

**please read and review. and enjoy reading the story, im sorry if it sucks :p**

**Disclaimer :I do not own any of the one tree Hill characters!**

**Chapter one: There is nothing Romantic about death**

When you die, you are gone. It's that simple and that complicated. Gone from the lives of those who meant most to you. We can't see you and yet we know your there. But it's hard because sometimes we forget your there completely and we feel all alone. Sometimes you need to see something in person to believe its real, under these circumstances, all we have is our faith. When I was younger I used to wish that everyone in the world was immortal. That way there was no goodbyes or funerals or the utter fear of time running out. We would all just keep on living. But now as I am older I question the perks of immortality. Where would the world be if there was no death? Would the world be peaceful? Or will it be in total destruction. Who would we be? Then I just got thinking maybe its best we didn't know.

Someone once told me when someone dies, what's left of their loved ones dies with them. What's inside me is dead. Empty. Lost. Numb. Hopeless. How are you meant to go on living when the person who meant the most to you is gone? It doesn't seem fair. This notion if you're a good person, good things will happen to you. Jake is gone and now I have to live through his absence. It's almost cruel. Every day is a struggle, emotionally. Everything is a reminder of my brother. That's why my mother has decided it's time for a change in atmosphere. So tomorrow we are leaving Charleston to our new life in a town called Tree Hill.

"Haley James", the deafening voice of my mother awoke me. I looked at my clock to see the time reading 8am. Today was the day, moving day. We would be leaving Charleston in just a short few hours, leaving our old lives behind. "Breakfast", she continued. I sat up and looked around what was left of my room that was now surrounded by abundant boxes. Most of which I didn't bother to mark. My clothes that filled my draws and wardrobe were the last to be packed. Reluctantly, I got out of bed and made my way to the shower not bothering to look in the mirror. I knew I had black circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep from the recurring nightmares. It hasn't been an easy couple of months since the death of my older brother Jake, the last thing on my mind was how I looked. After my shower and I brushed my teeth I quickly threw on a pair of old jeans and an oversized jumper and made my down stairs. Mum was in the kitchen, staring at the ground waiting for the water to boil. She had puffy red eyes and an empty box of tissues next to her. I knew she had been crying, she cries a lot now days, we never pointed out our tear stained cheeks anymore and asked if we wanted to talk about it because our answer was always the same. She didn't notice I came down stairs and sat on a stool until she turned around with her freshly brewed coffee and faked a smile. Mum made me a cup and went back to staring at the ground.

"I made some eggs", she said quietly looked up after minutes of silence.

"Thanks but I'm not really hungry", I replied blankly. She just nodded and took a sip from her coffee cup avoiding my eyes.

"Have you finished packing?" she asked attempting to make conversation.

"Not yet", I said.

"We are leaving at lunchtime", Mum pointed out.

"I will do it", I said losing patience.

"I'm just reminding you, the movers will be here soon and I want to get to the new house early and unpack, I don't want to get there after dark", she said annoyed.

"Okay I'll do it now", I said angrily and ran up stairs without another word. I could faintly hear my

Mother sigh.

Things weren't always that tense between my mum and me. There was a time when we were all a family. We would talk and be kind to each other. Now, we barely speak, it's like we have nothing to say to each other. There are times when we are a family, but they are rare and unpredictable, but most days are bad days and on those days it seems like there is no sunshine in the world. My mum tried her hardest to be brave for me and talk to me about Jakes death. After a while she realised nothing she could say would make me feel any better and make me forget Jake. So soon she stopped trying. Mum barely looked me in the eye anymore. Jake and I had the same light brown eyes that we inherited from our father. I know her heart breaks every time she looks me in the eye, because her only son is gone. And that's the worst feeling. I hate my mum feeling this way so I try to avoid her gaze. I know she is struggling, so when she suggested a change I agreed to make her happy. I'm hoping this move will mend our broken relationship and restore patience with each other. I don't mean to take it out on mum, but sometimes I can't help it. I'm so angry. And I hate myself when it happens. It would be easier if my sisters were around also. My sister Quinn stayed with us for a few months after the accident but now has returned to her life as a photographer with her husband. I miss having her around, we have always been close, and she has always been there for me when I needed it the most. But I understand that she has a life too and it's selfish of me to keep her from it. My other sister Taylor is at college most liking corrupting the youth. We never got along as kids; she would always tease and make fun of me so our relationship was always tense, having her around that the moment would probably make things worse. I never knew my dad, he left when I was two, all mum has ever spoken about him was he had big irresistible brown eyes and was a musician. Other than that he was a total mystery. Part of me inside longed to know who my father is, but then I remember he abandoned me and my family.

I was packing the last item of clothing in my last moving box when I sealed it closed. I looked around my bedroom in shock as this was the first time it was empty. It was sad leaving my childhood home, as it had been the place I shared so many happy memories with my family. But a fresh start was the best thing for us now. I can't stand the fake smiles and sympatric looks people give me through Charleston. Most of the people had been at Jakes funeral because he was a big basketball star and well known and kind hearted person. His death shocked everyone. With the last box packed there was only one more thing I had to do. Say goodbye.

The Charleston graveyard had unfortunately become like a second home to me over the past months. No matter where I was going, I always found my way here, by a familiar tombstone. I stared at the name that was printed on the gravestone. The name that was once and always will be an important part of my life. My heart ached as the tears formed in my eyes. _Jacob James_ _loving son and friend. January 21 1982-Febuary 6__th__ 2003._ Jake was only 21 years old. Just 21. It's cruel that he only lived for 21 years, when he had so much potential, so much life ahead of him. Now it's wasted in the ground below. Instead of being appreciated and embraced throughout the world. Jake was more than my brother, he was my best friend, the person I turned to for comfort and support. I have never felt so lonely in my life. I could feel the tears, sliding down my cheek I didn't bother to stop them from falling. I can't bear the thought of leaving him behind, but I know if he was still here he would want me to take care of mum. I placed lilies in front of his grave and kneeled down next to it.

"Hey Jake", I breathed. The tears streamed down my cheeks for I knew that this would be the last time I visit Jakes grave in a while. I stared at Jakes grave taking it all in, trying to imagine Jake standing beside me.

"So as you know today's moving day. I have been dreading this all day, the goodbye scene. I don't want you to worry while I'm gone. I promise to take care of mum. She wanted to be here, but she's not ready to face your grave, she needs a little more time. She's struggling. But hopefully being in a new place will be good for her, you know. And me" I looked down at the ground for a moment and caught my breath. "We miss you so much Jake", I sobbed and continued "I hate you not being here with us. I hate not seeing you smile and laughing with you over stupid things. I miss you always winning in a game of horse, or us hanging out at Uncle John's Auto shop and listening to old music all day and talking about whatever enters our mind. It sucks not being able to do those things with you, and I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but I can't help it, I miss you Jake. I wish you were here". What I did next was all I could do. I cried. I cried by Jake's grave for what felt like hours. Until I had no more tears to shed. I looked at my watch and realised it was time to go. I slowly started to rise from the ground. I placed one hand on the head stone and whispered "Goodbye for a little while, I love you". My eyes wandered and I read the quote on Jakes headstone below his name _"You will soar on the wings like eagles; you will run and not grow weary"._ As I turned and started to walk away I knew I would remember that quote forever, for it was like Jake, embedded in my memory, always and forever.

**hope you guys liked the first chapter of you are not alone in this. please tell me what you think. hopefully i will update quickly but bear in mind i am a major procrastinator. until next time**


	2. Chapter 2

**this is the new chapter of you are not alone in this. please read and review. i hope to update soon. in the meantime enjoy the story**

**disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY ONE TREE HILL CHARACTERS!**

**Chapter two: Welcome to Tree Hill **

When I got home the movers were loading the last of the boxes on their truck. Mum was staring at her now empty house with tears in her eyes. I knew this would be difficult for her, leaving it all behind. But deep down, she thought it was best. I walked over to her and stood beside her staring at our house for the last time. Amazing how many memories were made in this house, it had become a big part of our lives. It was there for the good times and the bad. Over the past couple of months it had been a living reminder of Jake no longer existence with us. We had no choice but to let go of our childhood home and move on. Mum gave me a small smile and put her arm around my shoulders allowing me to put my head on her shoulder. I smiled as I knew she had forgiven me for losing my temper earlier. We stared at the house in silence, remembering this moment. Mum broke the silence asking "Haley, do you want to say goodbye".

I nodded and walked towards the house, alone. I looked back at mum who was watching me briefly until she walked over to the truck and began talking to the movers. When I walked inside I gasped. The house was completely empty, as I expected but still came as a shock. Every step echoed. When I was younger the house would total chaos filled with laughter and noise, now it's empty. It's hard to believe it was so long ago. It feels like yesterday, Jake, Quinn and I were playing hide and seek inside and Taylor like always reading a magazine. So much has changed since we were kids, if only we could all get back to the time when everything was so much easier.

I walked throughout the house, in every room, there was a special memory. Every room was empty. It's like I was looking for something but I had no idea what. I let my feet take me where they wanted to go. I didn't come as a shock when I stopped outside Jakes room. I stood frozen staring at the door as if words were suddenly going to appear. I contemplated whether to not to go in. I knew it was empty as all of Jake's belongings were packed up in the truck, mum couldn't bear the thought of throwing them away. Out of habit I knocked on the door. No noise as I expected. I guess I was just hoping that Jake was on the other side and this was all just a bad dream. I slowly opened the door. I caught my breath and stepped through the room. Jakes room was painted brown, but you barely saw the colour because it was covered head to toe in posters of his favourite bands and basketball players. But now you could see the actually colour in his room. I looked around if searching for a sign, anything of purpose. Nothing. I turned to the door frame and noticed the markings engraved at the side for when Jake measured himself. I touched them and smiled as I saw how tall he had grown over the years. I looked around the room for the last time when I noticed a small hole in the wall of his bedroom. I smiled remembering how it happened. Jake and I were playing football inside his room. Jake misinterpreted the pass and through it and it hit his lamp which crashed into the wall. It was only a small whole and for an entire month we covered it up, until mum decided to clean his room one day and discovered it. We were grounded for a month, I was eight. I gazed upon the hole in the wall, remembering my past, when I heard footsteps behind me I shook away the memories and collected my thoughts. Mum stood beside and looked in his room. I noticed tears forming in her eyes as she scanned the room.

"C'mon Haley Bob, it's time to go", she managed to say. I turned taking one last glance at the room and started to walk down the stairs. I glanced back at mum, who stood frozen until after a minute or so she closed the door of Jakes room and we walked outside together towards our packed car. Mum started the engine and we both turned and looked at the family home one last time and said goodbye silently in our heads and reversed out the driveway with the mover truck following behind, as we journeyed towards our new home.

The car ride was silent as we both had a lot on our minds. I couldn't believe that in our hour we would be in a new place, new town and new people. I was worried if I would like it or not. All my life I had lived in Charleston, I never thought of leaving it until I went away to college. I was worried about starting a new school and making new friends. I would be in my junior year this year. I was always good at school, a nerd, some would call it. I liked school, I understood school. I didn't have that many friends at my old school. After my brother died I kept to myself, I became sort of a loner. Now I have the opportunity to be someone else. Someone new. This year I think I want to volunteer somewhere and give back. Maybe square my karma, plus it would be a good distraction and that's something I desperately need right now. A distraction. The car ride wasn't long and soon enough we were entering a town with a sign indicating "Welcome to Tree Hill". Tree Hill looked like every other small town. It wasn't fancy or anything special, but it looked like a nice place to call home. My mum told me she grew up in a small town like this when she was a little kid, that's where she met my father. I looked at my mum to see her looking around at the shops and houses within the town. We drove past a small cafe called "Karen's Cafe". I took a mental note of where it was as it seemed like a nice place to eat. We passed more houses and shops and even passed Tree Hill High, my new school, when we finally pulled up a small one story house. Mum shut off the engine and I knew this was it, our new home. It was a nice, small house. It was white and had a blue door with a large tree out the front.

"Welcome to our new home", she said getting out of the car and walking up to the house. The mover's truck pulled up next to the house seconds later and mum walked over and instructed them with the boxes. I remained in the car staring at the house trying to picture my new life here.

"C'mon Hales", mum said gesturing me to follow her. I sighed and got out of the car and followed my mum and the workers. The house was bigger in the inside. It had a nice kitchen and but not much of a backyard. Mum was instructing the movers of where she wanted the furniture. I continued to explore the new house. The walls like the front of the house were painted white and nothing seemed out of the ordinary, almost boring really. I kept out of the mover's way and helped unload some boxes. Eventually after an hour or so all the boxes were out of the truck and scattered everywhere in the house. I took some boxes in my room as the movers brought in my bed and book case. My bedroom was a bit bigger than my old one. The house was smaller itself. It had three bedrooms, mine, mums and a guest.

Eventually the furniture and boxes were placed in their appropriate rooms and the movers left to a job well down, leaving mum, me and our new house. Mum smiled at her set up. I began to unpack my things when I found my box of books. I loved to read. Mum was a writer so our books were like our bibles. They were sacred. We had a mini library in our house and my mum had her office where she would write as a journalist. Her new job is working as a journalist at Tree Hill Local Paper. Mum's job required her to travel a little, but nothing heavy. She was home mostly, but she loved her job. I picked up one of my favourites, Catcher in the Rye and began flicking through the pages. I really didn't want to unpack my things so I decided that I would go for a walk and explore the town of Tree Hill.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three: The town of Tree Hill **

As I began walking throughout my new town, I felt a sense of security. The town seemed very homely. I could tell everyone new everyone just by glancing at the small smiles people give each as they pass by. That alone should be intimidating but for some reason wasn't, in fact it sounded nice. Charleston was a lot bigger, so people would go through a lifetime without really knowing anyone in the city. So this was different and different seemed like a warm change.

I began walking forward, letting my feet take me where they desired, no real destination, just forward, enjoying the walk. I passed houses and small shops; I even walked along the boardwalk by the river. It was nice to be in a new place. I must have worked for way over an hour, but my feet weren't tired, they were determined. I didn't really know what I was looking for until it was right in front of me. My feet stopped in front of an abandoned basketball court. The pavement was faded and ring was barely hanging on the hinges. But despite its initial flaws, there was something beautiful about this court by the river. There was definitely a history behind it. And character. Over the years this court has been a source of fun and a measure of memories, welcoming new children every year and allowing them to be free and express their passion. It probably even helped children find themselves. I know my brother, never felt like himself unless he had a basketball in his hands.

I wonder if this court had the same effect on past generations.

I am surprised at the court's lack of activity and companions. Whenever I have ever passed a park with a basketball court it has always inhabited by children or teenagers playing a few rounds of basketball. But there wasn't a soul. Completely lifeless and neglected. I notice a few picnic tables and decide this would be a nice place to read. I walk over and sit facing the river watching the birds and town from overhead. After a few short minutes of gazing at pure admiration I reach in my bag and pull out my copy of Julius Caesar that I found earlier hidden in my box besides Catcher and the Rye. I begin reading silently to myself, every so often looking up at the river and its surroundings.

I remember in Charleston, there was a basketball court located at a small park. It wasn't anything special, it was like every other court really, but somehow I got the feeling that there was more to that court to other people. Sitting on the picnic table now, I get the same feeling that this court means a great deal to someone. Throughout the summer when I was just a kid, Jake and I would go the local basketball court and play a game. I was hopeless at basketball, in fact I rarely got the ball close to getting in the hoop, but I didn't care because Jake made it fun. Jake practised every day, he loved basketball, and it was like his escape. To me, basketball was just a game, where you put a ball in a hoop, but to Jake, it was so much more. I remember when Jake was trying out for the varsity team. He was so nervous, he practised day and night. He convinced himself that he wasn't good enough and he didn't have a shot. Yet, that day, when he came home from school, he had a massive smile on his face, as if the unexpected happened, and without any words being said I knew he made it. Jake was the star player of his team and eventually made captain in his senior year. But as his ending of school year grew near, he had a lot of decisions to make. Jake got accepted into Duke University on Basketball scholarship. But Jake was only a Blue Devil, for a year. When Jake came home to visit during his break, I could tell he wasn't happy. I remember the day when he told me he was going to drop out of college and move back home.

_Flashback-_

_I was a freshman. Jake and I were in our uncle John's auto shop. I was as per usual, reading a book while Jake was helping our uncle out in the shop. Jake had only been home for a few days and I missed him like crazy so we decided to spend the day together, like old times, and catch up._

_I noticed Jake wasn't himself lately, he seemed really preoccupied._

"_So, what's college like?" I asked for the billionth time._

"_It's okay", he answered dully._

"_Did you meet any cute girls?" I asked trying to get a proper answer._

_He smirked "Yeah there were a lot of hot cheerleaders". I rolled my eyes at the typical male response._

"_So like a guy", I said smiling and returned back to my book._

"_So how's high school?" _

"_It's good, I like school, my teachers say I'm top of my class", I said brightly. _

"_Nerd", he muttered chuckling. I poked my tongue at him smiling. He laughed. At a few minutes, his tone changed._

"_Enjoy high school, while it lasts, Hales, it's as good as it gets. Don't take anything for granted. You're lucky; no one expects anything from you. I know I wish I could go back to that feeling". I was shocked by this response. I remember Jake always loved high school, he was popular and made friends very easily, but I never thought he would miss it. _

"_What's wrong Jake?" I asked putting my book down so I could give him my undivided attention._

"_I don't know, Hales, College isn't what I expected. I mean, it's not fun anymore. I feel like I'm missing something", he said looking at the ground. "I mean Basketball used to be fun and I used to know that's the thing I wanted to do with my life. But now I'm not so sure it's what I want. I don't know what I want to do anymore. I have been thinking about for the past six months. And I wasn't sure; until I came home, I missed home so much and being home made me realise how miserable I was at college and how happy I am to be home". I didn't know what to say. I never expected Jake to say this. I never knew he felt this way. I felt horrible that I didn't notice sooner. _

"_What do you want to do?" I said finally finding my words._

"_I don't know. I think I want to move back home for a while. Duke just isn't for me. Get a job in town until I work out what I want. Maybe work at the auto shop". I took in everything my brother said. The answer was simple. _

"_Jake I'm going to support whatever decision you decide to make, I think if you believe you are doing the right thing then you should do it. Life is too short and you deserve to be happy", I smiled at him genuinely. Jake brought me in his embrace and spoke quietly. _

"_Thanks, Haley. I really appreciate your support. You're the best sister a brother could ask for"._

"_Yeah yeah yeah", I said smiling "considering I'm your only sister, but I'll still take the compliment". _

"_Remember Hales, I'm always going to be there for you also, whatever it takes, I'll be there, no matter where I am", he whispered seriously. _

_End of Flashback _

Tears formed in my eyes and I quickly wiped them away before they could fall. Thinking of Jake's promise made my heart ache. It sucks not having him here and not being able to console with him about my problems and things on my mind. I miss him so much.

In the distance I could hear footsteps and I turned my head to see a teenage boy running towards the court. He was listening to music. He was wearing black shorts and a grey hoddie that had Keith Scott Body shop and service and repair printed on it. I couldn't see his face because the hood of his jumper was covering it. He had a basketball in his hands and he was dribbling the ball while he was running. He didn't seem to notice me until he looked up. He stopped running and walked slowly forwards.

When he reached the court he bounced the ball in front of himself. He took of his hood, and I saw that he had blue eyes and short blonde spiky hair. He had a broody look on his face, he smiled, and shot the ball from his hands and it went in the hoop without touching the backboard. Swish. He shot the ball again from a little further back but the distance did not affect his shooting capacity, again without any effort, Swish. He grabbed the rebound and did a perfect layup. He was truly talented. And he seemed to really enjoy it. A smile crept on my face, as I watched the mysterious boy. The way he moved and the complete focus and twinkle in his eyes as he made a shot with complete ease, reminded me of Jake. I wonder if he is on the varsity team at school, he is definitely talented enough, probably the captain. He shot the ball again and the ball hit the backboard and rolled over to where I was sitting.

"A little Help", he said kindly, I quickly jumped from the table and picked up the ball and passed it lightly to his chest with a smile.

"Thanks", he said.

"You're welcome", I said sitting back on the table and reopening my book. He was still standing in front of me.

"There is a tide in the affairs of men. Or something like that", he said with a smile pointing at my book as I glanced up at him.

"Yeah, nice work", I said surprising. The Jocks I have known never quoted Julius Caesar; in fact I will be surprised if they even knew how to read." You read?".

"Yeah, why so surprised", he asked flatly.

"I'm sorry, it's just I was a little surprised. No offence but you don't look the type that reads. I mean you're a jock" I said.

"Trust me I'm not a jock", he said smiling. "I love to read, especially the classics", he said with a smile.

"Me too, the classics are the best. I'm Haley by the way, Haley James" I said reaching my hand forward to shake his.

"Lucas Scott".

I talked with Lucas for hours by the court. We talked about everything and anything. He is very easy to talk to. I found myself even opening up with this boy and even already considering him a good friend. There is something warm and kind about Lucas that makes me forget for a little while why I am here in the first place. I feel like he is an old friend. When I got home I finished packing and went to sleep early. My mind kept drifting to Lucas, his smile, and his kindness, was familiar and homey.

And for the first time, in a long time, I feel asleep thinking everything is going to be okay.


End file.
